Finding the gift in your ‘shadow selves’

  • We seem unable to follow through on actions we have decided on
  • We feel uncomfortable in certain situations
  • We lack the confidence to pursue our goals or show up in particular situations
  • We hijack our own progress through self-sabotage
  • We crumble or freeze when faced with particular situations or challenging colleagues
  • We can’t say ‘No’ to others and hold boundaries that are important to us
  • Firstly, by building a resource that she could draw on to show where her real skills and strengths lay, so she didn’t need to push herself forward at every opportunity but could focus on those areas where she had most to give
  • We also practiced some embodied strategies to help her slow down, take a breath and give others time to speak as well
  • Finally, we worked on her listening skills so that she could shift from ‘listening to speak’ to ‘listening to understand’. By doing this she was able to connect more deeply with her colleagues and what they needed, as well as to add real value to meetings by increasing her capacity to create powerful links between her colleagues’ ideas and her own, which helped to shape the discussion, and drive action and accountability
  • We practiced some state management techniques to help her feel calmer, to notice what was going on, and to take a deep breath before speaking to one of her colleagues about something negative
  • We also looked at ways in which she could ‘pick her battles’. Which were the ones worth fighting and which were the ones that she was diving in to just to get some sort of reaction
  • Finally, we created an action plan to engage with her colleagues differently, so that she could still get the sense of connection with them that she needed, but in a way that grew collaboration, kindness and friendship

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I help organisations create human-centred workplaces with self-leadership as the norm, supercharging performance by unlocking the potential of all employees

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Allison Lindsay

Allison Lindsay

I help organisations create human-centred workplaces with self-leadership as the norm, supercharging performance by unlocking the potential of all employees